Left behind: Caroline's Story
“IT COMPLETELY CHANGED MY LIFE BEYOND ANYTHING I COULD IMAGINE BEFORE”
Meet Caroline Chandler, a 50-year-old teaching assistant, and mother of two from Redbourn.
The loss of a loved one is an extremely traumatic experience at any stage of your life, but for Caroline Chandler she faced the loss of a parent to suicide at the tender age of 22.
Speaking from the comfort of her own home, Caroline openly discussed the effect male suicide had on her and her family and how she has come to be okay with her father’s suicide.
Caroline, a mother of two from Hertfordshire, sadly lost her father to suicide over thirty years ago – at a time when the taboo surrounding suicide was at its peak.
Over the last few decades since her fathers passing, Caroline has come to terms with accepting his death, something which she claims took many soul-searching years throughout her young adult life. “The thought of having children and them not having a grandfather.” Caroline admits she’s drawn one conclusion as to why her father chose that moment to end his life; she suggests financial difficulties where the defining factor in his death.
She said, “I’ve tried to think why, and I think it’s purely from a financial point of view. He was under a lot of pressure and he felt he couldn’t cope anymore.”
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"It came as a complete surprise, the only warning sign I had, was the fact he had come round the night before and put a letter through my door which gave some detail about what he wanted in the future – but in no way suggested he would be leaving."
Following her father’s death, Caroline says she often felt embarrassed and ashamed when talking about the events surrounding his death with anyone outside of the family.
Feelings of guilt, embarrassment and shame are commonplace with families who have lost a loved one through suicide, but with increased suicide awareness and campaigns such as, ‘ItsOkaytoTalk’ hopefully, this will begin to diminish the chances of families feeling isolated in their grief.
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Caroline’s father was 47 at the time of his death and was struggling to financially support his expanding family after getting remarried following an earlier divorce with Caroline’s mother. Recalling the last encounter with her father, she says there was nothing to suggest that he was about to leave her and his three other children.
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